Today Allah has given us a two year old marriage. I believe there’s no absolute guide into this sacred institution and that people are different, but I do like to share what I came to learn through this very special journey nonetheless. The lessons are really endless so I tried to hone everything into the following five – personal pearls I do hold around the neck of my soul and maybe they’d help others in their journeys as well. So here goes:
1. Your relationship with Allah determines your relationship with yourself; marriage is like dealing with just that: yourself. Your spouse is yourself. If you are on good terms with Allah, you are on good terms with yourself, and so you are with your spouse. This is the simplest, most powerful truth. Skip a prayer = you’re creating an aggression on yourself (= your spouse); and in turn the pond of marriage will be irked. You’d be surprised as to the amount of religious and non-religious literature that back this finding up. It is an old, somewhat forgotten recipe for happiness.
2. Turning the page is an art you must learn and master. Just like you do turn pages with life and yourself, you have to learn to do so with your spouse so that the marriage grows and thrives. The bigger the book of your love, the easier it becomes to add more pages. Mercy is a crucial page turner; do not mistake it for weakness.
3. The moment you expose outsiders (close or not) to your marriage, it loses one of its most defining features (privacy) and slowly suffers, or at best, stops growing. Protect your marriage by being the only ones in it. There’s a very subtle catch here: outsiders can be exposed indirectly to your marriage by you abstractly applying their wisdom in marriage without your spouse’s check. Example: this post has to be shared by both parties, not used in one’s heart against the unknowing other. Again: not used in one’s heart against the unknowing other.
4. Although naturally shared, sometimes the notorious, heavily discussed circle of love and respect is the ultimate responsibility of the man, not the woman. Just like Allah has granted man the authority to break it at will, he is bound to protecting and nurturing it before Him and himself (Qewama). If this circle disconnects, he mends the gap before she does. If you think respect is lacking, do provide love, unconditional love.
5. In marriage and just like in life, change & hardship are truly constant. Do not mistake agreed upon absolutes checked by reality for broken promises or flaws in your spouse, rather embrace what’s different and cooperate to face new changes in yourselves or your lives.
I end my prose here. Each lesson of those envelops a lot of others. I hope I have managed to keep the meanings focused.
I would like to thank Aya for being in my life; may Allah protect her and grant her Jannah inshaAllah.
May He grant us all happiness here and hereafter.