I wrote this in 2011 with the very ink of my heart, and couldn’t but relate to it, and need it, these days, with the whole of my existence.
Written by that fictional one who doesn’t seem to want to show up in my life.
To me, to you, and to everyone,
I know you’re different. You’re a mess. From that window of you to that life you think you see, you regard what’s not really there. In your literal mind, and big heart, you take too much in, and let too less out. You’re my own swollen love. Would you listen to me?
It’s okay if someone changes the way they think about you, Ibraheem. Even though you’re that sensitive to those who surround you, and even though you’re not supposed to read them that much, but it’s okay, because you do it too. And it’s okay, because when you do it, it doesn’t turn into hate. It can be many things in fact, ibhog. One of them is that you’ve become home enough for them to change moods.
And even if, my weary friend, you’ve been hated by anyone, then what? Don’t you know that it makes you more special to us who love you? Don’t you know of the great who were cast in the hatred of this wretched world? And who were rejected by all that spoke? Where are they now, Ibraheem? Where are they now?
It’s okay to seek compassion in others. It’s not pathetic, and it’s not weakness. You have a sad past. Destiny has denied you some love, days during which you’ve become stronger, times when your heart learned that art of giving, and when your soul knew about the language of feelings, and poor you, you hit that time when you needed it. The world understands. You don’t have to explain. There are many beautiful hearts out there, just like yours. Go to them. They await.
It’s okay to be different, and it’s okay to be just like anyone else at times. No one can endure either on its own. It’s okay to express that beauty drives you, and it’s okay to shed a tear when it leaves you. It’s okay to be angry at those who forget about you, and it’s okay to forgive them when they remember you. It’s not black and white, dear ibhog. It’s a colorful world. Nothing is constant, and nothing should be so. Any moment, everything can change. You don’t have to fathom it, and you don’t have to conjure it yourself. All you have to do, Ibraheem, is to be at peace with how the world walks.
It’s okay to tell someone about it. It’s also okay to give them up for silence, if it makes your pillow warmer at night. It’s okay to miss someone who doesn’t know. It’s human. And it’s beautiful to make them know that you do. If they judge you, it’s okay. They have to do it sometimes, just like you do. After all, do you not know of the ones whose judgment threw them in love? do you not know of the ones who came to care for those they hurt?
It’s okay to be not okay and be sad about it. It’s okay to feel insignificant. One’s low to one’s high tomorrow is their high to their low yesterday. If only they befriended time? they would have lived in peace. It’s okay to be away at times, and it’s okay to be there all the time. It’s okay to make mistakes, and it’s okay to feel bad about them. It’s okay to repeat them. God said it is. He’s a better judge.
Oh, my love how much I wish I was real enough for all of your worries. I just wish I could mother that troubled heart of yours, I wish I could be there when you’re alone with that mind of yours. I rescue you from you. I be there between your heart and you. I pat your pink wound, and tap your scars, with the cotton of my own lips. I know you need it too.
Fret not, my friend, for here I am in your realm of consciousness. I thank you for you, by being there for you.
Taking care of you ..
And it’s okay ..