It’s Okay

I wrote this in 2011 with the very ink of my heart, and couldn’t but relate to it, and need it, these days, with the whole of my existence.

Written by that fictional one who doesn’t seem to want to show up in my life.

To me, to you, and to everyone,

Dear Ibhog,

I know you’re different. You’re a mess. From that window of you to that life you think you see, you regard what’s not really there. In your literal mind, and big heart, you take too much in, and let too less out. You’re my own swollen love. Would you listen to me?

It’s okay if someone changes the way they think about you, Ibraheem. Even though you’re that sensitive to those who surround you, and even though you’re not supposed to read them that much, but it’s okay, because you do it too. And it’s okay, because when you do it, it doesn’t turn into hate. It can be many things in fact, ibhog. One of them is that you’ve become home enough for them to change moods.

And even if, my weary friend, you’ve been hated by anyone, then what? Don’t you know that it makes you more special to us who love you? Don’t you know of the great who were cast in the hatred of this wretched world? And who were rejected by all that spoke? Where are they now, Ibraheem? Where are they now?

It’s okay to seek compassion in others. It’s not pathetic, and it’s not weakness. You have a sad past. Destiny has denied you some love, days during which you’ve become stronger, times when your heart learned that art of giving, and when your soul knew about the language of feelings, and poor you, you hit that time when you needed it. The world understands. You don’t have to explain. There are many beautiful hearts out there, just like yours. Go to them. They await.

It’s okay to be different, and it’s okay to be just like anyone else at times. No one can endure either on its own. It’s okay to express that beauty drives you, and it’s okay to shed a tear when it leaves you. It’s okay to be angry at those who forget about you, and it’s okay to forgive them when they remember you. It’s not black and white, dear ibhog. It’s a colorful world. Nothing is constant, and nothing should be so. Any moment, everything can change. You don’t have to fathom it, and you don’t have to conjure it yourself. All you have to do, Ibraheem, is to be at peace with how the world walks.

It’s okay to tell someone about it. It’s also okay to give them up for silence, if it makes your pillow warmer at night. It’s okay to miss someone who doesn’t know. It’s human. And it’s beautiful to make them know that you do. If they judge you, it’s okay. They have to do it sometimes, just like you do. After all, do you not know of the ones whose judgment threw them in love? do you not know of the ones who came to care for those they hurt?

It’s okay to be not okay and be sad about it. It’s okay to feel insignificant. One’s low to one’s high tomorrow is their high to their low yesterday. If only they befriended time? they would have lived in peace. It’s okay to be away at times, and it’s okay to be there all the time. It’s okay to make mistakes, and it’s okay to feel bad about them. It’s okay to repeat them. God said it is. He’s a better judge.

Oh, my love how much I wish I was real enough for all of your worries. I just wish I could mother that troubled heart of yours, I wish I could be there when you’re alone with that mind of yours. I rescue you from you. I be there between your heart and you. I pat your pink wound, and tap your scars, with the cotton of my own lips. I know you need it too.

Fret not, my friend, for here I am in your realm of consciousness. I thank you for you, by being there for you.

Taking care of you ..

And it’s okay ..

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12 thoughts on “It’s Okay

  1. You have been posting too fast these two days I am having difficulty keeping up.
    Can I just say that I love reading all that you write, and that I log on a lot ma5soos for that?
    It is no exception what you have written in here. It feels like beautiful in a tender way that I cannot but be drawn to.

  2. Lost in words is the least i can say.

    I have an exam, which i didn’t study for, in few hours and i’m spending time here, it feels like home … yeah i know i said that before.

    I find this one of the hardest things to do “It’s okay to seek compassion in others. It’s not pathetic, and it’s not weakness.”

    I loved the most “It’s okay to be not okay and be sad about it. It’s okay to feel insignificant. One’s low to one’s high tomorrow is their high to their low yesterday. If only they befriended time? they would have lived in peace. It’s okay to be away at times, and it’s okay to be there all the time. It’s okay to make mistakes, and it’s okay to feel bad about them. It’s okay to repeat them. God said it is. He’s a better judge.”

  3. Maha: yeah, I post a lot when I’m down. It makes things worse actually, I need rest. Thanks for reading and commenting though, it’s so nice of you :)

    Ze2red: Oh I’m such a bad influence, hope your exam went fine! I’m flattered that this confused blog is described as anything near home though, thanks a lot :)

  4. Isn’t that so true? It’s just that it’s SO hard knowing it’s okay. Like seriously. This hits home for me. I always feel so guilty about being depressed of being sad, it’s like look at those who have it worse, how ungrateful can I be?
    But that makes me more depressed.

    I think this is among my fav Noha posts. I shall be abusing it. I had a friend read it, and she was feeling sad. She cried but said it made her feel better. Just thought I’d let you know that. :)

  5. Oh, tell your friend that it’s going to be okay isA! :)

    .. and thank her for reading on my behalf :)

    And again, Noor, thank you for your nice comments :)

  6. I did actually. I told her ‘it’s okay’ :)

    I shall pass on your thanks don’t worry. I’ve probably converted her to a fan already. xD

    Don’t thank me. Thanks are due to you for writing.

  7. I could quote countless parts of this text, I could tell you I utter them as a mantra, I could infuse you with heartfelt gratitude at such a resounding post..but no matter how hard I try, I won’t be able to convey the true chord struck when reading your words.

    A reminder we all need every now and then. Thank you

  8. I liked the post but the part “It’s okay to feel insignificant” puzzles me most. I feel insignificant a lot and I can’t really accept that feeling, I actually hate this feeling. It is not that I want to feel important, I just want to feel that I can provide an added value to the society, at work… Feeling insignificant bothers me a lot. Feeling useless compared to other people. Really, is there a cure to low self-esteem ? People tell me that trust in Allah helps overcoming this. I know. I am sure. But something is missing and I don’t know what is. Maybe reading more Quran and “tagdid el neya”. Thank you

  9. I ofttimes say this in prayer: اللهم استخدمني و لا تستبدلني.

    The thing is, I was making a mistake. While I utter those words, I actually have something in mind that I’m hoping God would use me for; usually it’s something related to the society indeed. However, with days and with certain kinds of hardships and experiences, I realized something very important; that if I decided to ask God to ‘use me’, then I ought not have something in mind for Him to use me for, He should decide, not me. I learned this when I actually found out that certain, depressed moments, I was allocated by Him for the sole purpose of being there for my family, although I always thought I wanted to be totally independent from them.

    The point is, significance is rather relevant. Many insignificant people go unnoticed, but they are the world to someone, or some ones. I thank God that he used me, even if He hasn’t used me for what I imagined He would; He knows me best, He knows what I am capable of, and so He knows where to use me to my fullest satisfaction.

    Just pray this prayer, unguardedly, and sincerely, and watch how He’ll do.

    And hey, many ‘insignificant’ people will be very significant at the end. You never know.

    It’s really okay.

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